I always win. I never lose.
That simply is the rule.
I’m sorry if that comes as news –
Let me take you to school.
Defeat is meant for lesser folk.
That’s been my motto since,
When I was just a little bloke,
I won my first five sprints.
“He won a race? So what!” you say.
But here’s a different view.
The kid I beat was twelve that day,
And I was only two.
Do anything? I thought I could.
I kept achieving more.
I cured the common cold for good
At th’tender age of four.
‘Tween eight and nine I wrote six plays;
At ten I bred some squirrels.
A shame to say, I slowed the day
That I discovered girls.
Well, as you see, the list is vast;
The full thing’s quite a climb.
So’s not to get you really gassed,
A summary to save time:
A Nobel Prize, three Ph.D.’s,
And five MacArthur grants.
I even won a Tony once,
Though all I did was prance.
I’ve conquered relativity.
I’ve scaled Mount Everest.
I’ve beaten kitchen mold! You see,
At all things I’m the best.
In truth, it’s grown a little dull.
But there is one thing more.
I’ve built a quite ingenious hull
To batten down Death’s door.
You want a trip beyond the veil?
Alas, that’s not the crime.
For here’s the twist within my tale –
I’m going back in time.
I never knew my mom, you see.
She left the day I came.
So all my life, I’ve not been free.
I know that I’m to blame.
And all the things I’ve done in life,
When placed upon the scale,
Though their fruits may be rich and rife –
To me they all taste stale.
I think, you know, from that first race
And with each new reward,
I’ve always tried to up the pace…
It’s her I’m running toward.
The debts I’ve owned are all called in,
The money’s all been spent,
For one odd box to take me when
And where I need to went.
Did I say “went”? Oh, pardon, please.
I took it for a drive.
I’ve just now left upon the breeze,
Before you could arrive.
I’m sorry, friend, I truly am.
I know you’ll scream and moan.
But like Ulysses as he swam,
I must do this alone.
It’s just we should be at that place
For my apology,
My tender kiss, my warm embrace.
I hope she’s proud of me.
Let me know what you think of the story. If you like it, please feel free to forward the link to your friends! If it wasn’t to your taste, better luck tomorrow — a new piece of short fiction goes up every day.